by J. Scott Bugher
In the publisher / writer relationship, size doesn’t matter. Yet I’ve encountered so many writers who do not concur with that. They think it’s all about the size of their dick (and I’m speaking metaphorically when it comes to female writers). So take the following illustration and learn your lesson if you believe size matters.
I rejected a manuscript from a contest held by Split Lip Press. Upon receiving the contest results announcement, the writer of the rejected manuscript got upset. So he emails me. Says, “I have four published books, have appeared in over 100 magazines, and many of the poems from the manuscript you rejected have been published by a number of elite journals.” What was he expecting by telling me this? For me to write an apology and admit I fucked up and am a failure as an editor / publisher? No. Fuck that guy. I could give a shit that he has 4 books and all sorts of publications. That didn’t change that his work blew chunks.
Now, if you’re a writer who believes you’re a big deal, consider this:
Say, if you’re a male, you ask a woman out for a date and she rejects you. What do you do? Do you say, “Oh yeah? Well, I have a ten-inch dick and have slept with 78 women and have had 22 threesomes.” Will that make the woman apologize and feel that she made a big mistake by rejecting you? Probably not. Instead, you’ll probably receive a backhand to your face or a well-earned kick in the balls.
Bottom line: If you’re a writer and feel it’s important to tell an editor how important you are, or how big your dick is, you’re doing nothing but asking for a backhand to your face.